The Year of the Rabbit, Not The Hair

Yesterday we had another trip to the clinic. So far, all of my appointments have been very early in the morning, this one being the earliest at 7:30am. Those who know me know how much I loooooooove mornings, but it's actually good. By the time we leave, the waiting rooms are packed,  the lineup for the lab fills the hallway, and the parking lot is "FULL". Besides, it's not like we're up partying late these days so it's nice to get in first and get out of there. However, it would be nice if one of these times it wasn't f'n minus 25 degrees C.

So very good news! My white blood count is WAY up! Whoo hooo! Let's go find some germs and kick some ass!

I found a way to use my superior intellect to tap into the specific part of my brain that is responsible for overseeing the manufacturing of neutrophils and successfully stimulated my bone marrow to generate more. It wasn't that hard, really. You know, for me anyway.

Ok, well maybe they gave me some drugs that I injected into myself that kinda does the same thing. But hey - I had to do the sub-cutaneous injections myself so that's gotta count for something. And it only took me about 7 minutes and about 5 "hesitation pokes" to work up the courage to finally do it. Yes, diabetics and others who do this daily are laughing at me, but man, it's REALLY weird to stick a needle into yourself the first time (I only did marginally better the 2nd, 3rd and 4th time). I mean, we're kinda designed to NOT do that to ourselves.  You're raised your whole life to be careful and not hurt yourself. How many times growing up were you told "See this sharp pointy thing?! Stay away from it and for GOD sakes whatever you do, do NOT poke yourself with it!"

I was pretty proud of myself the first time I did it - probably more than I should have been on the scale of "achievements".  I made my mom go upstairs - no way I could do it with her nervous energy around. When I finally got the needle in (they recommend your tummy), I was so thrilled I even did a fist pump with a "yes!" like I'd just sunk a 15 foot putt. I was so excited I nearly forgot to actually inject the medicine. Yah, that's me and my superior intellect alright.

This drug I have to inject is called Neupogen Filgrastim, and the doctors always call it "GCSF" because it is belongs to the family of medications known as granulocyte colony stimulating factors (Google makes everyone look smart). For each cycle of chemotherapy, I have to have 3 injections of GCSF, one a day for 3 days, and specifically on days 10-12 after chemo. The idea is that you get chemo (call this Day 1), feel like you got hit by a truck on days 7-9, then you start to feel better and recover for your next treatment, with the help of the GCSF injections. This first chemo treatment they gave me 5 GCSFs, simply because I was in such bad shape. I had one the day I left the hospital (Day 4), then they sent me home with a pre-loaded needle to do myself the next day (Day 5). Then I had the regular 3 in a row on days 10, 11 and 12. So I have 5 shots now under my belt (quite literally, you know, if I wore a belt).

So that's the good news. I'm continuing to feel good, my counts are up, and am more confident now knowing I must have done the injections correctly :)

On the not-so-good-news side of things, my hair has already started to fall out. I was expecting it (though hoping it might not) but not quite so soon. It's not coming out in huge batches or anything, but it is definitely falling out. I know it's not like I have this amazing head of  hair that is my signature like Farrah Fawcett (hmm... hers fell out too). But I don't have much to begin with, so if it's starting to fall out already after one treatment...you know, it's an emotional thing. For those who haven't seen me in a while, I'd grown my hair out to about shoulder length. One of the first things I wanted to do once my counts were high enough to venture to public places was to get my hair cut short again, so that when/if it started to fall out, there wouldn't be so much of it, which would help mentally but also wouldn't clog the drains and be so visible all over the place!

But now it's suddenly falling out already, and I started fretting and worrying about going to the salon and having tons come out as they washed and cut it and freaking out the hair stylist and other customers. I don't have a regular stylist and started worrying about how I could find someone who would be ok with the situation or maybe make house calls. What if it all falls out when they go to wash it? What if comes out in big chunks when they go to cut it? I was a bit upset about it all (ok, a lot upset) but as always, Wayne consoled me and devised a plan. He had recently found a hair stylist that he really, really liked and was sure she would be cool with the situation. He would call her the next day.

That next day (yesterday) after we got home from the clinic,  he made appointments for both of us that afternoon with his stylist, Kara. He would go first, and while getting his hair cut explain my situation and that I was a bit nervous about it all. When it was my turn, Kara knew the whole story, was totally cool with it, and put me at ease right away. It helped too that nobody else was in the salon. She said cancer runs in her family and her Aunt is currently going through a very similar process. We chatted a bit, and I was ready to see what was going to happen. Apparently quite a bit of hair did come out in the wash, and she gently warned me that I will likely see quite a bit come out during the cutting and drying part. That's ok, I was feeling much better about it all by now.

Perhaps one of the best things was that I wore my glasses, which I had to take off during the cutting and styling, which meant I couldn't see a bloody thing the whole time! I was just happy that as she was going along, I could still make out some dark stuff on top of my head so I knew there was still *some* hair hanging on. Kara actually said she was surprised that not as much came out as she expected.

So now I have a really great, cute haircut that I'm very happy with, and what could have been a stressful experience turned out to be a very good one. I'm not sure how long the hairstyle will last, but I better get hat shopping this weekend! Any suggestions for hat styles or stores would be greatly appreciated. I am NOT doing the scarf/bandanna thing around the head and I don't want anything that falls into the "crochet" category.

As always, I have Wayne to thank for consoling and comforting me and always finding a way to make things ok for me. I haven't mentioned him much through all of this, but I don't know if I could get through it without him. He slept in an uncomfortable chair beside my hospital bed for three nights.  He's a rock. He's a comedian when I need him to be. He keeps me positive. He talks me off the ledge. He puts together the plan when I don't know what to do.  He makes me feel good about myself when I feel anything but! He's my hero and protector. As one of my friends said, "he's a good one to have in your corner". I'm one lucky girl.